Conversation 1
Initiative Manager: Are your teams almost finished the dev work?
Me: No, they won’t assign anybody to do the dev work until the business communicates that this is a top priority. I’m seeing the business guy tomorrow. I’ll remind him to let the app managers know this.
Initiative Manager’s Boss: Please forward us the meeting invite to us for the Prioritisation Meeting with the business you told us you were having tomorrow. The prioritisation needs to be settled. We have to get together to communicate about [yadda yadda management jargon yadda].
Me: The prioritisation is settled. He just needs to communicate [blah blah blah tactful dancing around the issue blah].
Initiative Manager’s Boss: [sings Chic’s biggest hit at me]
* Later *
Business Guy: Shut up. Just do not speak to people.
Me: Right. Sorry. So, can you please communicate with the app managers?
Business Guy: Frak off.
Conversation 2
Initiative Manager: Sars, I need you confirm with BG that he will support [blah blah blah].
Me (thinking, that seems weird): BG, IM asked me to ask you to confirm that you’ll support this.
BG: No, frak her. Tell her there’s no frakking way.
Me (to IM): I’m sorry, perhaps I’m confused. You asked me to confirm with BG that he could support this. But what exactly is it that you want him to do?
IM: No! Everybody knows that’s not his job. You cannot go bothering him with this. I told you to ask each of the individual app managers if they could support this.
Conversation 3
Me (to app managers): Please could each of you confirm that you can support this.
App managers (collectively): Frak off. That’s not our job. Go talk to the people in Capacity Planning.