monster sarcasm rally

For some crack...

Just saw a man in a suit walk up to a homeless man and ask, Hey bro, spare any change?

Darnit

I got peanut butter in my hair again!

Wisdom from Sars

A state of continual pessimism is really the most optimistic way to live. Everything turns out better than I expect it to.

I'll tell you what's wrong with this country

It's too freakin' cold.

Help wanted

Looking for a new job? This hit the newswires this morning.

In summation

Gravol + Pepto + Tylenol for migraine + New Chick off for a completely useless training day = not a good day at the office

Random

The funny thing about writing is that my characters sometimes take themselves in different directions than I expect them to.

Psst!

Want to read a story? It might be kind of long.

Guest post

From Rose...

They really all do die and Voldemort wins.

__________________________________

But then, Rose doesn't like Martha, so what does she know? Also, Rose doesn't believe in physics.

Oh, and I searched Google Images for Voldemort and this came up. I think it raises some important questions, don't you?

Ugh

Dear Self,

You are an idiot. Please leave me alone.

Thanks,
Sars

It was a dark and stormy night

Sh....

Do you believe in goats?

Shaken and stirred

Ack!

I'm so sad. I just found out that St James Bond church was demolished more than a year ago.

The importance of being earnest

Effective immediately, please take everything I say with the utmost seriousness.

Thank you. That is all.

There are some lines you just don't cross.

So bored

Prediction

Soon, the dark circles under my eyes will be bigger than my head.

I couldn't resist

At the sign of the farting dog

My iPod had an argument this morning

First, Johnny said:
You'll wake up some cold day and find you're alone.
You'll call to me, but I'm gonna tell you: 'bye, bye, bye'.
When I turn around and walk away, you'll cry, cry, cry.

But Bryan was there to respond:
I changed my number.
You'd better change your mind
Cause I'd rather spend the night alone.
I ain't gonna cry over you.

It's a guy thing

To the guy who sat across the aisle from me on the TTC this morning:

I don't know you. I certainly didn't need to know the answer to the question, Which way do you dress?

Thanks,
Sars

Update (12.36):
Good grief! Do I need to draw you people a picture?

I sat directly across from a man who sat with his legs spread wide apart. His hands were lifted up, holding a book. There was a very obvious bulge, showing all the world exactly what he had to offer, how much of it he had, what shape it was, and where it was found. None of which I needed to know.

It was the male equivalent of this, which is just too much information for seven in the morning on public transit.

What's the past tense of beware?

You all survived the Ides of March, then?

Very busy

Please send coffee.

?

What is it about the Y chromosome that prohibits its possessors from using scissors to open packages of cereal? Why must you make things so difficult for yourselves?

T minus 129 minutes

Oh, and hey... Did I mention? The subways are down. I'll have to take a ridiculously expensive cab.

How to get rich quick

I've just come up with a great money-making scheme. All you need to do is teach people how to smile sincerely while conversing with individuals who deserve a good slap upside the head.

I'm fairly certain I'm not the only person who would pay through the nose for such a service.