Why I hate project management

The team of twatting jackasses invent a project and tell me that it will be accomplished by implementing their FUS (frakking useless system) in place of the current STWJF (system that works just fine).  

I conduct a gap analysis. There are many gaps.

But…

• I can’t get the dev team to tell me how they plan to close out the gaps until I can tell them how things will work when the project’s finished.
• I can’t get the team of twatting jackasses to tell me how things will work, until I can tell them how they currently work.
• I can’t get the dev team to tell me how tell me how things currently work because that’s not their job.
• I can’t get the users to tell me how things currently work until I can tell them how they will work when the project’s finished.
• I can’t get the users to tell me how things should work when the project’s finished because that’s not their job.
• I can’t get the team of twatting jackasses to tell me anything at all until I can document exactly how things currently work and precisely how they WILL work when the project’s finished. But they’ll certainly follow up with daily meetings, chat sessions, phone calls and gazillions of e-mails telling me to hurry up and finish the documentation.  

Oh, and of course, I can't get anybody to do anything until the documentation's completed and signed off.

Comments

[r]

I hear that. Even when you think you have all the knots untangled, it will turn out that there are gaps that nobody ever told you about and the users will ignore their training and documentation and make up new and interesting ways to abuse the system. This is my prediction.