So, this whole sex thing... So far I have to say... Not a fan.
I'm sure I've heard people say good things about sex. Somewhere or other... But thus far, my experiences of it have been simultaneously boring and painful.
Okay, so the painful has been decreasing over time. Sadly, the boring has been doing the opposite.
I haven't managed to break up with my SGN yet. Dont be too hard on him when I say he's not attracted to me. As I've said before, I don't need my friends to be attracted to me. And that's what he feels like: a friend.
The thing is, as much as I'm not enjoying the sex, I'm not ready to go back to doing without. I've become really attached to all the things that go along with sex.
I went a long, long time not just without sex, but without any sort of physical contact or affection. I don't want to do that again. I don't really like who I become when my life is like that. And that's what I mean when I say bad sex is better than no sex.
I'm not a one-night-stand sort of girl. I don't form attachments easily. Hell, it's rare I meet people at all. If I end things with him, I have to start all over again.
And, well, there's still Mulder. We spend a ridiculous amount of time flirting (long-distance flirting, but flirting nonetheless). He has said that whether or not anything actually happens between us is up to me. But it'll be at least a few months before we see each other again.
I'm actually at the hair salon as I write this. And as nice as it is to be fussed and fawned over, it's just not the same as having somebody who touches you simply because you're within reach, because you're you.