I am a horrible person. Really. Well, sort of.
A few days ago I went out with the Flirt. He happens to share a first name with my SGN. That's about the only thing they have in common.
Hmm... Let's call this guy Mulder for the sake of all the (so far) unresolved sexual tension. Mulder is 11 years my junior, divorced, and moving to Hong Kong tonight. But he reminds me that life needs passion. Life can have passion. Life can even have spontaneity. Maybe even fun...
It was clear I didn't have to go home alone that night.
I didn't have to. But I did.
I was composing this post in my head this afternoon, and I was all set to say that none of this was really about Mulder, merely what he represented. And maybe it still is.
But as I've been typing this, he's been sitting in an airport departure lounge. And he's just confessed that he has feelings for me.
A touch of ill timing, wouldn't you say?
I'm feeling pretty torn up about all this. Part of me says if it's not going to work, it's not going to work. Break up with SGN. But then part of me says don't be so hasty. No, it's not going to work long term, but it works right now.
I don't know.
Last night I said to SGN that I had forgotten to pick the duvet up from the cleaners, so it might be cold in bed. In response, he sighed and said he would have brought pyjamas if he'd known. He seriously wanted to wear his clothes to bed. All I could think was, this would never happen with Mulder. We would have no problem heating the place up.
Again, I just don't know.
As to Mulder... Well, we left things with a sort-of implied agreement to get together the next time we see each other. Of course, that will be at least a few months away, and who knows what might change in the interim. On either side.
If it were to happen, I'd definitely end things with SGN first.
But honestly... I don't know.