The 30-year-old virgin

If I'm honest

There is something strange about my personality.

What? More?

Yes, more.

If I'm not immediately good at something, I generally won't do it again. At all.

So this whole sex thing is difficult. And not just literally. But honestly, he does most of the work, so that makes it easier.

What's more awkward is sucking him off. I mean, it's only fair, right? But here's the thing: turns out I'm just not any good at it. I like it, but I don't like (ahem) sucking* at it. And he equates this with not wanting to.

Of course, this doesn't strike him as odd. All but one of his previous partners have disliked doing it.

And that frustrates me.

I want to do it. I like doing it. But I HATE doing it badly.

I need to learn the art of practice makes perfect. And soon.

* No, I don't mean that literally. It's a figure of speech, silly!

Progress

Let's just say we're making progress. We've not achieved the end goal, but we're getting closer.

He has suggested an alternative port of entry, so to speak. While the idea doesn't horrify me, something about it does — commercial lubes all contain crap I'm allergic to. No thanks!

So, for now we're not really getting anywhere, but we're having fun trying.

Also

I know, I know... Two posts in one day. How crazy is that?

I'm not really a gifty kind of person. I mean, I like giving them, but I generally really dislike being on the receiving end. SGN is much the same in the receiving, but isn't overly fond of giving them either.

But this weekend he brought me a gift. And it was the perfect gift for a girl like me.

As we were getting into bed, he reached into his overnight bag and pulled out a small, plain, brown rectangle. 'This is for you', he said. 'It's a piece of MDF for you to bite down on if you need to'.

That made me laugh.

______________________________________

Also, also... He only swears when he's naked. Most people — and especially most English people — swear all the time. Not so my SGN. But when the clothes come off, so do the filters. That also makes me laugh.

Just call me Elmo

So, apparently, I giggle when I orgasm. Spontaneous reaction. I can't contol it. Before SGN (sarcastic grumpy nerd) I wasn't completely sure of this. But yep, it's a thing.

He calls it a handy indicator.

When won't turns into can't

He says he always thought the hymen was a mythical creature. Like a frakking unicorn or something...

Well, now he knows better.

I come complete with an unbreakable chastity belt built right in, as it turns out. Lovely. Just awesome.

Imagine that...

He's got sexual issues of his own. Deeply embarrassing to him, but a huge relief to me. I mean, okay, so they're different issues grounded in his different history and personality. But they're there. And I'm not alone anymore — literally or figuratively.

Years ago I spent Christmas Day with a friend's family. Afterwards he was so embarrassed. He kept apologising for the fact that his family were all nuts. But to me, it was the most amazing thing ever. That was the day I realised that even though all families are different, they're all just as screwed up and weird. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

We are who we are. Some of us don't fit society's mould. But that's okay.

I'm different. Truth be told, I'm a bit of a freak. But even I am not so different that I can't find somebody. And for that matter, I've got friends too.

However different you may be, there are others out there who will accept you for who you are. You just have to find them.