So, I know. It's been more than a year, since I've written anything here. This isn't because my circumstances have changed or because I've died or changed my mind about writing here. It's just that I've had nothing new to say on the topic. I feel like I've said everything I need to.
Or rather, I felt that way until today...
I have many good qualities as a person, great qualities even. But they're not ones that make men look at me and think they'd really like to be in a relationship with me. When I was younger, men used to look at me and think (and sometimes say): she seems like a pretty horrible person. I bet she'd be good for a quick shag before I head home to the Mrs, though. Then I got old and even that kind of attention dried up.
But then, two years ago I met a guy, a really great guy. And there seemed like there might be some chemistry. Of course, it didn't help that he was thousands of kiliometres away. But luckily he just happened to be thousands of kilometres away in a city where I was already planning to move. Only making the move took a lot longer than I had hoped...
Once I finally got here we saw each other a few times over the ensuing weeks. I felt like I was getting mixed signals, though. Sometimes he seemed interested. Sometimes he really, really didn't. A mutual friend advised me to ask. I said no way, bad idea. But of course, then I went ahead and did so anyways. And (also of course) I got the friend speech.
And now I realise that I wasn't getting mixed signals at all. I was getting very plainly obvious signals that he wasn't interested in me that way. But my stupendous powers of self-delusion enabled me to convince myself that some of them were the other.
It has been years since a man has shown interest in me at all. Rumour has it that this guy was interested at one point, but then he got to know me a bit better. The only other interest I seem to attract is from drunk men who stare at my legs and crotch without ever looking up.
I saw a situation that was a little bit awkward and it's like I asked myself, hmm... Is there anything I can do to make it more awkward? What can I do to alienate one of my only friends in my new home?
Seriously, what was I thinking?
I am one-night-stand material, not girlfriend material, and certainly not wife material. Maybe it's time I accept that and try to make the best of it.
