To tell or not to tell

Before I get to nudity, I'm going to answer KtP's second question: am I ashamed to be a virgin? In a word, the answer is no.

But one word doesn't contain the whole truth.

While, it's true that I'm not ashamed, it's not the whole truth. These days I'm fairly guarded about it. Once upon a time, I proudly proclaimed the fact to friends, colleagues, acquaintances, even strangers. As I grew older, I learned to keep my mouth shut in most settings.

Nowadays, context has a lot to do with how tight-lipped I am. Amongst crowds of church-goers, I speak freely about virginity, but mostly keep my mouth shut about sexuality. In conversation with Christian friends (where only two or three of us are present), I speak freely about both. Some of my non-Christian friends know and some don't. I make my decisions on a case-by-case basis.

The one thing I won't do anymore is tell my secret in a crowd of non-Christians. Did you watch the 40-year-old Virgin? That is precisely how people of both sexes respond.

The part that's hardest is telling a man with whom I have an actual connection (or at least think I do) that I will not sleep with him. Most men, in my experience respond with kind, supportive words. They tell me it's wonderful. They tell me I should never have to do anything I'm uncomfortable with. They tell me everything's up to me.

Some of them mean it. And they'll even stick to it. For a while... Eventually, even for men with the very best of intentions, it becomes too much. I mean, er, too little. You know what I mean.

Of course, not everybody is quite so pricipled. These are the guys who speak soothing, reassuring words, but whose intentions are far from honourable. They see my virginity as a challenge. I'm getting better at spotting them, at least I think I am, but still. It usually takes about a week before they realise that I actually meant what I said. They're out the door as the final 'no' is still falling from my lips. They run out and find themselves a cheap skank to wash away the distaste of the memory of me.

Of course, ideally, I'd find a Christian guy who was equally determined to wait. But Christian men... Well, I'm not exactly what they're looking for. But that's a whole 'nother story...

Comments

[crazysilver]

I found your blog a few days ago and have been lurking since.

My best friend is Christian, and a virgin. She is 23 though. I, however am not religious and 24 with a 7 yr old. Lol...can you see the severe differences between us?

I love her to death, and I can see a lot of similarities between the 2 of you. She has spoke of the same struggles and reactions that you experience.

In a few yrs she will marry her BF. A 'man' that she met through her church. I think he is far below her standards in many ways, and believe that she is settling.

I think she's doing it because it is so difficult to find anyone outside of church to accept her and her choices.

On that note, I commend you for being proud and never settling. Considering divorce is not really much of an option in the Christian church, I fear she is destined for a very unhappy life.

[virgin]

I hope you're wrong anout your friend and her bf, just like I hope I'm wrong in thinking so many of the marriages going on around me are doomed.

[KtP]

Yes, not settling is something to be proud of...but it doesn't keep you warm on a cold lonely night.

[pixie]

I usually don't post comments but I think it's great that you have been able to stand by your faith. I can't imagine how hard it must be to date and have to put up with such difficulties. Like dating isn't hard enough!

[virgin]

KtP: No, for that I have a dog.

Pixie: Thanks for piping up! You know, every time around it get more and more difficult. Somebody better marry me quick!

[bedroomdancer]

It can be hard to find someone suitable/compatable and Christian. Have you tried Internet dating for Christians? I have friends that married that way. Try http://www.christiansinglesdating.com/. I know somebody that recommends it. It can't hurt, and I don't think the stereotypes about meeting only ax murderers on the Internet are the reality anymore.

[FTN]

I'm also impressed that you are still standing your ground. I do hope you can find a guy with similar principles. There are some good, outgoing Christian guys out there -- don't let the creepy weird ones dissuade you. So what's the rest of the story on why you aren't "Christian guy" material?

[figleaf]

I'm glad you're not ashamed of your virginity and I'd be the last one to give you grief about it. I'm with FTN, though, in wondering why you don't see yourself "Christian guy" material. Between that and your remark in your previous post that you only fall for people who can't be satisfied with you I think you're kind of setting yourself up for more grief than you deserve.

(I always worry more about the grief we give ourselves than the grief we get from others.)

Take care,

figleaf

[Michael Ejercito]

Being a virgin is DEFINITELY something to be ashamed about. It is a shame because you failed where EVERYONE ELSE succeeded.
But there is no reason to stay that way. You did not mention what you are looking for in a mate, but do whatever it takes to find him.

[virgin]

You're kidding me, right? I should be ashamed of the fact that I chose a different path than you did? Oh wait, you got here by googling the phrase 'ashamed to be a virgin'. Either you're ashamed to be a virgin, or else you're trying to persuade somebody else that she should be. Either way, that makes you a jackass, Jackass.

[Michael Ejercito]

I am definitely ashamed to be a virgin. There is no other way to feel when I failed where everyone else my age succeeded.
I did not post to discourage you in any way, but to encourage you to find a mate. Do whatever it takes to find him.