The perfect woman, part 2

Previously on the 30-year-old virgin... (subtitled: lessons gleaned from yesterday's examples)

Men (on the whole) want to be protectors and providers. While they do not want wives who are stupid or lazy, they also do not want women who are too much smarter than they are or more ambitious than they are. In short, average is ideal.

I, on the other hand, am far from average.

Let's start out with physical matters. At 5'10" (178 cm), I'm nearly six inches (15 cm) taller than the average Canadian female. This puts me in approximately the top 99th percentile for women my age. At 125 pounds (55 kg), I'm well below average weight.

I also have a decided tendency towards choices that deviate from societal norms. Hello. Virgin? I'm a Mac user. I drive standard and hate automatic. You won't find any beige, cream or eggshell coloured paint anywhere in my house.

I live to be the anti-proof to any stereotype that might otherwise apply to me. I always want to build my own road. I...
...am an eclectic (but consistent) mix of left- and right-wing politics.
...hate politics.
...am a Christian, but am really put off by the happy-clappy types.
...am a strict vegetarian and oddly pro-hunting.
...am a sci-fi-loving geek, but I'm a girl! (Apparently some people still think that's unusual.)
...am decidedly extroverted, but can be very shy.
...love being in the heart of downtown or the absolute middle of nowhere, and hate everything in between.
...want to take life as it comes and let it unfold the way it ought to, but I'm far too neurotic to actually sit back and let things be.
...think everything's a joke, but still take it all far too seriously.

I hate being dependent on anybody for anything. I can't imagine living off anybody else's money. In fact, this is so deeply engrained in my subconscious that only once in all my years have I ever gone out with a man who made more money than I did. Once. Just the thought of it makes me twitchy.

I am physically strong, and more than happy to demonstrate it to anybody who doubts me. The pastor at our church has a rule that women shouldn't carry big heavy things like the speakers we use for our services, because it might damage their wombs. I can feel myself getting tense just typing that. We take turns putting everything away after the services. Whenever it's my turn, you'd better believe I carry the speakers.

I hate cooking. Hate, hate, hate. I'm practical enough that I do cook when necessary, but you're not going to get me to like it. Another blogger recently said:

'I had a date this weekend and asked from the guy about the paying thing and he said he considers it perfectly normal that he pays for me. "It's my pleasure and I don't even really think about it, it's natural" was what he said. He also said that if i want to treat him i should invite him to my place and cook a dinner'.

!

Yes, just '!'. When I first read that, every muscle in my body involuntarily clenched. The assumptions in that statement make my blood boil. He's asserting his place as provider and relegating her to the kitchen. I commented that if a man ever said that to me on a date, I'd just get up and walk out. I probably wouldn't though. I'd assume it was sarcasm and treat it as such.

As sarcasm, I love that sort of statement. If a man can look me in the eye and say that sort of thing without cracking a smile, my blood starts to boil in a whole different kind of way. A man who's not afraid to verbally attack me just for fun? One who won't back down when I throw it back in his face? Now that's a man for me! But, um... I digress.

Now, she later clarified that they had previously discussed her cooking abilities, so he was not making quite the assumption I initially thought. The assumption still exists that he's in a better position to pay for a nice meal than she is, though.

Dowd's article quoted statistics that for every 16-point rise in IQ, a woman is 40% less likely to marry. By my calculations, that makes me 70% less likely to get married than the average woman.

I'm different. I like being different. I intend to continue being different, come what may.

These are all parts of me that I like, but that (unfortunately) do not bode well for my chances of getting married. There are other aspects of my personality that work even less in my favour than these do (parts that even I don't like), but I'll save those for part three. 

Comments

[Kate the Peon]

#*&!#@$ I commented before! WHERE DID IT GO?!?!?!

[virgin]

I have no idea. Are you sure it went through?

[Kate the Peon]

Yeah. What I had said was something along the lines of if I didn't know better, I'd take offense at the idea that your hatred of cooking is something that sets you apart from 'normal' women. We're not all Martha Stewart or her wannabes.

[j]

well i beat you in the height department but no stick insect here :(

i too do not fit typical. friends think it's fantastic, guys not so much. me? well i am who i am- the good, the bad, and the ugly. the older i get the better i like me.

[Knattyb]

Hey, I followed your URL from TCL, hopw you don't mind.

But I have to say that, I don't think you're weird at all. I say fuck society, and fuck it's norms, fuck them up their stupid asses.

seriously though, from what you've described, I'd say that you're a pretty cool person, and other than being a virgin at thirty, i can't think of anything really out of place. Also, I assuming that the whole virgin thing is a choice, so that pretty much puts you back up to par.

cause...
politics suck/ beleive what you want/ eat what you want/ watch what you want/ and do what you want/ that whole "heart of city" or "out in the boonies" thing. me too./life's ... well, life's life. take it asbest you can/ And fuckin laugh, laugh lots/ make as much money as you want, and buy whatever for whoever you want.

No i'd say you're a pretty cool chick. Some guys don't want average, some want someone to drive them.

And yeah dumb girls probably go get married more and faster... but to dumb guys, who probably spend the majority of the rest of their lives working shit jobs and watching reality tv. I have a feeling thats not what you're looking for.

you've got a lot going for you, and at the very least you've managed to work the phrase "a steaming pile of dog poop" into a fairly intellegent post. Kudos.

[FTN]

From your description, you sound great. But what do I know. You could be a crazed ax murderer.

Don't get mad at guys who are just trying to be polite by paying for dinner or offering to carry things for you. We don't think you can't pay your own way, or flex your own muscles. Sometimes we're really just trying to be nice. Although the fear of "damaging the womb" sounds hilarious to me. He was serious?

Somebody will love your differences. Any strict vegetarian that is pro-hunting is A-OK in my book. And I'm even more freakishly tall than you are -- by about 8 inches.

[virgin]

KtP: It's, you know, a trend. On it's own it signifies nothing. In conjuction with everything else on the list, it still signifies nothing. Well, it gives a picture of who I am.

J: The more you describe yourself, the more I think I know you. You weren't recently in Toronto visiting my roommate, were you?

Knattyb: Thank you. Come back any time.

FTN: I solemnly swear that I have not murdered any axes. Lately...

[Hernes]

Oh, i've been quoted...great. This post made you the 3rd person to write on a very similar topic during such a short period (Ktp, Me and You)...what's that about? The time of year?

[j]

pretty sure we've never met.

the last time i was in TO was 2 years ago.

[VJ]

Umm, I'm not certain how I wound up here, but I think I can help some or at the very least provide some links and amusements. 'Sexless in the City' is 'Anna Broadway's' blog of her experiences being a committed Christian & a virgin in NYC. She's currently working on a book contract on the whole 'virgin in NYC' concept. She's 26 though. (There's quite a few 'virgin' blogs, but they come and go for all the obvious reasons). The link should be highlighted below, but she's easy to find. At the moment all her potential dates need to be chaperoned by a member of the family, which leaves her plenty of time to write. But she gets into some serious talk of the ethics of her decision on the blog. She's got plenty of links too.

Kameron Hurley's blog is here: [http://brutalwomen.blogspot.com/] she's a budding published SF author who also is a strong women who does not suffer fools gladly. She had plenty of fun in a recent blog post on MoDo's idiotic NYT column & book on 'Are men necessary'. [The whole Smart women = lonely women whine & BS]. Real Funny stuff from Kameron, she'd given up on men for years until a recent decent BF came into view just over this past summer. Most of 'em just weren't worth the bother.

I think your situation is far from unique, and the stats. while discouraging in one sense, [Kameron over at BrutalWomen also had a great riff on those studies on intelligent women and their likelihood of marriage], most women do eventually marry. It may take sometime to find the right fit with the right kind of guy, but it can happen. The total lifetime likelihood of marriage is better than 80%. So if someone told you that there was an 80% likelihood or rain in the forecast, you'd pick up your umbrella/rain gear going out the door right? That's what we're talking about here. It's all a matter of time. You've got about the same odds of mothering a child too.

So while you may think of yourself as somewhat of a strange duck, there's probably a decent match for you out there somewhere. And you'll be the perfect women for him. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ' [A UT Grad] {And no, that's not my real email}

[ANDREA G.]

i just think that one should not get worry about "the way you are" you know,you dont have to "struggle "to be different,because then it is not natural and it's all fake .When you're "different" you dont even think about it,you almost not even realized of it because its complety "normal" to you because is your nature,the way you are .It's just you!!Simple.

[Paulo Andrade]

Well that is pretty harsh, you say you would get up and leave the guy just because he is responding to years of social stigma and not because of his true self. What if this dumb clueless guy (we all are dumb and clueless) is the the "man" that can make you happy? I love an intelligent and independent woman, you are not a freak but you seem to cling to that like a shield, some men are crap some are weak others a little of both and ultimately we are all dumb and clueless so take a hint i guess even in Canada there are good men...hey if not try to find a portuguese guy, couldn`t hurt....lol

[Randy]

Marry me :) I'm serious, i dreamed of a virgin bride like you for AGES. I'll do anything to have a relationship with you, and i'm very interested. EMAIL me.

[Johnny]

You're absolutely charming.... I'm an old guy, 42...wait... god, sorry, didn't mean to lie, 44!!!!!!! Kill me now!!! ... I'm an American, and I consistently feel like I'm an asshole for being an American.................

[Vera]

I think you are great, and you remind me of me and my georgeous girlfriends, all single. I sometimes wonder where the men are, I mean REAL men, with balls and all?! :D

[Genvive Octava]

You appear very vain. To remain a virgin this long you must be sort of really full of yourself. Why not be a virgin and keep it to yourself and not publicize it as a selling point?

[Kiel West]

Hi I'm a cartoonist (disclaimer)

I found your blog by doing some sort of search for a C.S. Lewis passage. I find your blog and the topics covered fascinating.

This one kind of crossed me wrong though--as a man. What can us men do but desire a woman who will fulfill a semi-traditional role in our lives? I suppose we could remove the part of our hearts that makes us want to be like the strong men we admire--or like God (providers, protectors etc.)

Haha, I write this as my wife brings me a beer and a plate of food. Coincidence.

Email me if you want to talk about it. I want to change your mind on this topic, damnit.

[v]

Interesting. Except... Who but God gave me the same desires? I am strong. I am a protector. I am a provider. It's who I am; ergo, it's who he made me.

So fine... God wired most men that way and most women the corresponding opposite. So exactly how am I wrong?

I'm certainly not saying all women should be like me. Just that I am and that lowers my chances of finding a suitable mate.

[Kiel West]

I should clarify. This is the area of your post I'm responding to:

"When I first read that, every muscle in my body involuntarily clenched. The assumptions in that statement make my blood boil."

What I'm saying is, I wish you wouldn't be so quickly offended by those assumptions. You may not be the kind of woman who requires her man to pick up the check by default--and God bless you! But those established "assumptions" are not there to point out in what way women are inferior, but to remind a man to point out in what way women are sacred.

Chesterton said "The difference between man and woman accounts for almost everything important that has happened. We must realize that when we try to make man and woman alike."

I'm not accusing you of trying to make men and women alike, I know you're not. But those differences are important, so I don't think you should be offended by those old-fashioned niceties.